An Invisible String

     If you have a spare 20 minutes, read the children's book: THE INVISIBLE STRING by Patrice Karst. It is a beautiful way to teach about grief and loss. The overall theme is that grief, separation, and loss will visit all of us and that we are connected by an invisible string of shared, human experiences. 

     For those of us who have already suffered a deep and profound loss, we know all too well this invisible string that unites us all. Each one of us who has suffered from loss feels a deep ache for someone who is beginning the process of grief. We remember what that looks like and feels like. We remember how thirty minutes could pass by and not be able to recall a single detail. We remember what it feels like to not even be concerned with cooking for ourselves or handling the seemingly mundane chores. Everything has a haze on it. We are blanketed in a heavy shroud of: What the hell was that? 

     Certainly we each metabolize and process grief differently, however, we will all feel it. I can distinctly remember thinking: This happens to everyone?! 

     When my Mother passed away I remember all my senses going dull and not feeling time pass. Everything was fuzzy, blurry, and just beyond my reach. It took weeks for that feeling to fade back to normal. I think I only recently regained my full sense of humor, instead of me remembering how to be funny and enjoy humor. I never again look at people in the supermarket shopping with their Mother the same way. I say a little prayer for my Mom and for them. When I see people enjoying the company of their Mom I pause and remember, and I feel the grief deeply and then again say a prayer for my Mom and for them. 

     I believe the invisible string that connects all of us is in our capacity to experience and feel great love and thereby experience great loss. It doesn't matter what race or ethnicity or gender you happen to be, we will all feel loss. From that shared knowledge we can grow powerful empathy for each other.      When we look into the eyes of someone who is dealing with painful loss, we should remember: that will be me too one day. There is no preparing for it. What there is, however, is the ability to enjoy this moment with the people we love and cherish. To be present now with them and fill our lives with memories of all kinds! Humanity is not likely to change enough to have dominion over our emotions, but we can have control over how we enjoy the times we are experiencing now. Grief changes all of us in powerful ways. There is no way to predict how you will change as a result of grief. What we can do for ourselves and friends and families is have wonderful times now. Even if the wonderful times we have are relatively simple, it doesn't matter. 

     When it is your turn to feel the presence of that invisible string that unites all of us, you will want to look back at a life well lived and well enjoyed. You can reassure yourself that you and your loved one had wonderful times together. In those wonderful times love lives on. Grief will visit and leave its scars. You will be more excited to share the love with others and eager to learn from the grief and set it down for the next person who needs it. Please share and thoughts and comments right below on the blog.